Dear Joey Comeau,

Please be my new boyfriend. I
understand you have a girlfriend,
so we can sneak around for a while
if you want- kissing in the back
corners of libraries, between
aisles in grocery stores. You can
tell me dirty things and I'll pretend
to be shy. I'll buy you a kitten. We
can spend all day reading in our undies.

More or less sincerely,
Ryan.